My faith journey had a pretty definitive start. While I grew up with a knowledge and awareness of God, there was not a personal relationship there. And because of that, it was very easy for me to step away from my faith after high school. But the cool thing about God is his inability to "go anywhere." He stays right with you even when you are trying to turn your back on him.
I found that out when I went through a very traumatic birth that nearly cost me my life (a story for another time...). But here is what I will share with you now: I had visitors from all over the hospital after my daughter was born because of everything I went through. There is one nurse in particular who stood out the most to me.
I had never seen her before and after this encounter I didn’t see her again. She came in with the biggest smile on her face, hugged me so hard, and handed me a sticky note. That was it. She left and I looked at the note and on it was written “Luke 1:28 “Greetings! You are highly favored, you and your entire family.”
10 years later and I still don't have the words to describe how I felt reading that. My life was radically changed from that moment on. My life was no longer my own, it belonged to Jesus. I had not been a follower since early high school but that encounter left me feeling like I had been saved for a reason and I believed in Jesus Christ in that moment.
As Psalm 51:10 says, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” In that moment God shocked me with a new and pure heart and a steadfast spirit.
While I don't have the time to tell you my life story and the various traumatic situations I have been in throughout my life, I hope you can believe me when I tell you that they exist and my birth story is only one of them. But what I want to share with you is what gave me the ability to overcome those traumatic experiences. Not that I am an expert, but I feel I am a well-adjusted person and don’t suffer from any major mental illnesses. So, why am I different when others in my shoes have crumbled and given in? Is there something in me that made be uniquely capable of handling traumatic situation after traumatic situation and not being knocked down?
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of the book The Body Keeps the Score, defines trauma as “not what happens to you, but how you respond to a traumatic situation. Something that is traumatic to one person may be no big deal to the next.” In relation to that, resilience is defined as “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties.” When applied to an object it means the elasticity of it or how well that thing can bounce back.
I believe that resilience is produced through radical gratitude. And resilience helps you overcome trauma and traumatic situations. That is what I have that others don’t; resiliency to overcome trauma because of radical gratitude. It's what has helped me through situations meant to break me.
But what is radical gratitude and how can you get it or more importantly, how can you use it?
The Anxiety Disorders Association of America describes radical gratitude as meaning that “one can experience gratitude even in the worst moments of pain” and as a “weapon against cynicism and hopelessness.” Lissa Rankin, MD says that “radical gratitude emerges when you face challenges that grow your soul, the ones that push all your buttons, and help you see your growth edges.” But I like how Paul explains it in action in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18,
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Bottom line is that radical gratitude is to be used when things are especially hard. It’s not about being grateful or thankful FOR those circumstances but IN those circumstances. Even when you are in the midst of a not-so-great situation or just a down-right shitty one, here are a few reasons for you to thank God IN those moments:
God is in control. Psalm 23:3 says,
“He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.”
God can change any situation for His good. Proverbs 16:9 tells us,
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”
Earth is not our home; heaven is. Philippians 3:20-21 states,
“But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.”
Your place with God is already taken care of with your salvation. Jesus told us in John 14:27,
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
God will always love you. Psalm 86:15 says,
“But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.”
Radical gratitude is about what you focus on in the worst moments in your life. I said this before, but it bears repeating; God doesn’t tell you to be grateful FOR those moments but to be grateful IN them. Let’s talk about 3 action steps you can take to be radically grateful in all situations:
Remember hard things won’t last. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says,
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Paul is a great example of being radically grateful because even when he was in his lowest and darkest moments, even when facing torture and death, he continued to praise God as if he had been living the perfect life. This is a great verse that reminds us that God has a better plan for us and no matter what our life looks like here on earth, this is only temporary and there is an amazing reward waiting for us when we leave it.
Your struggles, your traumatic experiences will not last, but the salvation given to you by God will. Think about your hardest moments. None of them lasted and you have made it through 100% of your hardest days.
In addition, trials and tribulations are meant to change us; they are meant to help us grow. When you go through something that challenges you, you have a few choices; you can face it head on and grow through it, you can retreat into your comfort zone, or you can allow it to take over and control you. You have the choice to look at hard situations and hard seasons as a chance to grow and improve and emerge a different and better person. But if you choose to retreat into your comfort zone nothing changes, the hard situation continues, and you learn nothing from it. Choose to face it with the God who never leaves you and grow because it won’t last.
Speaking of never leaving you... Remember you have a God who promises to never leave you. God gave us a promise in Deuteronomy 31:8,
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
When the Israelites were facing big unknowns with Moses dying and Joshua taking over leadership and the Israelites preparing to enter a new land inhabited by strong nations, Moses reminded them all of God’s promise to always be with them. And we have something the Israelites didn’t have, the Holy Spirit.
God is the ultimate promise keeper, and he promises numerous times, over and over again in both the Old and New Testament that he won’t leave you. I think if He is putting that specific of a promise in this book that many times then he must really be serious about it. God will never leave you and the reminder of that is needed when facing hard times.
Remind yourself of all the good things you have in your life instead of dwelling on the bad. Again, Paul gave us some great wisdom this time in Philippians 4:8,
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Even science agrees with Paul on this front. Researchers at the University of California, Berkely have found a link between positive thinking and improved physical and mental health. It is linked to having less stress, better problem-solving skills, and a better sense of well-being.
Guess what the number one way to improve your thinking is? Gratitude! Your mind is such a powerful tool, and you control where your thoughts will go. I know at least a few of you are shaking your heads and disagreeing with me here but hear me out.
As a therapist one of my favorite and most used models is the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy model; also known as CBT. This model states that events lead to thoughts, thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to behavior, and behavior leads to a consequence. Many people believe events/situations cause their feelings and behaviors but it’s really your thoughts surrounding that event. In other words, it is not the event, but your thoughts about the event, that trigger the chain reaction of feelings, actions, and consequences.
It is your interpretation of the situation that activates either a safe or unsafe brain. Which means that if you learn to control your thoughts then your mood and behavior will not depend on the circumstances around you. Gratitude is a tool to put you in control of the way you frame your situations. Afterall, what you focus on is what you attract most. As little as five minutes a day practicing gratitude has been studied and confirmed that it will change your mental health drastically so why not? It’s only 5 minutes and can be done at any time.
Radical gratitude takes effort. It is not passive gratitude. It is purposeful and full of effort. Anyone can be grateful when things are going their way, but can they, can you be grateful when things aren’t going your way? That’s the secret. If you want to be a person who can not only overcome but thrive through hard and traumatic situations, radical gratitude is the key. Remember to be grateful IN each circumstance and not FOR the circumstance.
I have one last thing to leave you with today and it’s a challenge. I challenge you to go out and be radically grateful IN every circumstance and see the renewal of your life. You can do it!
Much love & blessings,
Rachael
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