From Unhappy and Broken to Loving Myself

Eight years ago, I was not comfortable in my own body. I was unhappy with myself, and the relationships in my life suffered. Fast forward to today and I have never been more comfortable in the body I have created and my relationships are the strongest they have ever been.


I think the hardest part of my journey happened because I have never had to work to be “skinny.” I was a very active teenager; I was a waitress which kept me on my feet a lot and a dancer on my school dance team which had me practicing most days of the week.


In the Navy, I got away with not working out when my ship wasn’t out to sea. That’s only because, when we were out to sea I would workout everyday out of boredom. I didn’t love fitness. I did what most other women do: C.A.R.D.I.O. and A.B.S. But I still ate pretty bad. A lot of carbs, not a lot of veggies, and more protein than my body needed.


I won’t lie; I did get some results from it. My winter body would melt away a bit and that would give me a few more months of doing what I want and eating what I want until the cycle would start again. But each year I did this I would add a few pounds to my average weight. To say I was unhealthy and naïve is an understatement.


I got out of the Navy in 2011 and it was a HUGE change for me. My life was turned upside down and honestly, I had no idea where I was going. I was lucky that the Navy brought me to the best man I could have ever wished for and we were married, living in Washington State. This was the first time in my life where I wasn’t doing anything to keep me active and the lifestyle I had begun creating in the Navy just got worse.


I did NOT eat good at all. There were a lot of dinners out where I was ordering the steak and the fries and the appetizers and desserts and drinking the fruity drinks that are just loaded with ‘fresh fruits.’ When we weren’t eating out I was barely cooking vegetables with meals or I was out at the bar drinking more drinks. And this time there was no rebound of fitness to fix what I did to my body for the last few months. It just kept going and months turned into years and pretty quickly I was a very unhappy person.


Instead of being a “yoyo dieter,” I was a “yoyo exerciser.” It took me a long time to figure out that what I was doing to my body was not good; that I was hurting myself and ultimately hurting the relationships I was creating with people around me. There were so many fights with my husband and fights with my family and cutting off friends because the person I wanted to fight was myself.


Luckily my wakeup call came when I nearly died giving birth to my daughter (and that’s a story for another time). Bringing her into this world and seeing how hard my body had to fight to do something that women have been doing since the beginning of time made me want to change my life. And not only that, but my daughter deserved to grow up with a healthy foundation for life and a healthy mom who could do things with her.


It wasn’t easy, but after nearly 6 years of working hard and learning and researching and testing out new things, I am finally at a place where I am proud of myself. I am so damn proud of the body I have created through GOOD food and CONSISTENT fitness.


I am proud of the relationships I have in my life. My husband and I rarely fight anymore and I think that is because I am no longer angry with myself and I no longer hate the body I am in. I don’t have to start a fight to keep myself from dealing with my own issues.


I appreciated that my daughter WANTS to workout with me. I love that she will create her own workout out of nowhere and will join in with me when I’m doing my own. She is the one that changed my life.


Fitness does so much more for you than just making you look good:


* I feel good.

* I LOVE MYSELF!

* I put more time and energy into my relationships.

* My family loves me more because I love myself more.


Where are you on your journey? Are you sitting where I was 7, 8, 9 years ago in a relationship with yourself that you aren’t proud of? Are you around where I was 5 years ago, getting close to hitting your goals and wondering what now? Are you finally learning to balance your life and be proud of yourself? I want to know: Where are you?



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