I used to think I was just a "high-strung person;" that never sitting down or taking a break was completely normal and expected. This is what I saw modeled for me from the women in my life growing up and it’s what I saw portrayed in the media. And I played that part perfectly. I was the woman who was always moving, always doing, always attempting perfection.
From getting myself up and ready for school by myself in Kindergarten to tackling school, jobs, and extracurriculars for most of my life, I’ve always been one to figure out how to make it all happen. For crying out loud, when I was getting my masters I was in college full-time, working full-time, making it to the gym 6-7 days a week, and parenting through Covid while my husband was gone. I just thought these were the expectations and I was going to meet them at all costs. I never would have thought that what I used to function every day was actually anxiety.
Having anxiety wasn’t something I wanted to admit as being a part of my story. I knew I had a “bit of depression” after Maddie was born, but anxiety?!? No thanks! That’s not me. Insert massive eye-roll!
What Is Anxiety?
So, let’s look at the official definition of anxiety straight from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), which is where all our official diagnoses come from. The DSM-5 describes anxiety as “the apprehensive anticipation of future danger or misfortune accompanied by a feeling of worry, distress, and/or somatic symptoms of tension and the focus of anticipated danger may be internal or external.” It also requires you have at least 3 of the following symptoms for an official diagnosis:
Restlessness or feeling keyed up or on edge
Easily fatigued
Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank
Irritability
Muscle tension
Sleep disturbances (difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep)
Official diagnoses of anxiety include generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, phobias, separation anxiety disorder, and substance/medication-induced anxiety. Anxiety ranges widely on a continuum from a minor nuisance to a debilitating force you can’t escape. We call the minor nuisance side “normal anxiety” but as we journey closer to all-consuming and debilitating, we get closer to the official diagnoses mentioned.
I want to hone in a bit on the “somatic symptoms of tension” because these are what usually cause people to seek help thinking it might be something else and not wanting to see the anxiety in themselves:
Chest pain or discomfort
Sensations of shortness of breath
Feeling dizzy or lightheaded
Paresthesia (numbing/tingling)
Sweating
The feeling of choking
Increased heart rate or feeling like your heart is pounding
Chills
Feeling hot
Muscle tension
Nausea
Feeling like things aren’t real
Detaching from oneself
Anxiety is triggered in our mind and is linked to the way we think about certain situations. Our brain filters everything it takes in through our senses and filters them as either a threat or safe. When it is deemed a threat, it triggers the fight or flight response. This fight or flight response was originally meant to keep us safe in the face of danger.
Anxiety And Our Ancient Ancestors
Think about our ancient ancestors: they had a need to keep themselves safe because there were so many things in the world that could kill them, injure them, prevent them from procreating, etc. That was the original design of anxiety. The problem comes when we feel anxiety in the absence of a real threat.
Now, anxiety becomes a robber of our joy and has the potential to stop us from doing the things we want to do. My anxiety may seem like a good thing, but the downside of never stopping is not worth it. I lack the ability to sit still without feeling like I am doing something wrong. I have to work very hard to relax (which I feels defeats the purpose of relaxation). And for anyone who gets in the way of me accomplishing all the things I "need to do," there is hell to pay. I also find it hard to create and build relationships because I don’t like to put the time into being with people. I have to say, I think that is one of the worst downsides of my anxiety. It takes a lot for me to commit to spending time with other people. But it’s something I’ve been working on and it’s getting better.
But how? How do I work towards overcoming my anxiety? How can you?
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)
Progressive Muscle Relaxation or PMR is great to use when you are feeling stressed because of anxiety. It helps counteract the physical tension that normally accompanies anxiety.
The goal of PMR is to tense a group of muscles for about 5-10 seconds as you breathe in. Then, as you breathe out, relax those muscles and notice the difference between how they feel before and after. But this skill only works if it’s practiced regularly.
Get into a comfortable position either sitting or laying down (your choice)
I want you to start yourself off with a prayer to God relinquishing your anxiety to him. This can be in a simple phrase such as “God, I give you this anxiety.” Hold onto this phrase and repeat it as we go through these various body parts.
I am going to guide your through various areas of the body from toe to head and when I do, I want you to tense each muscle as you inhale, hold it for a few seconds while you repeat your simple sentence relinquishing your anxiety to God, then release the muscle with an exhale.
Notice what your muscle feels like after you relax and how different it is from the tension you created.
Let’s take three deep breaths. 3 seconds in and 6 seconds out. As you do that, think about 1 Peter 5:7 which says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Starting with your feet. As you inhale, tense them as hard as you can, curling your toes tightly into your feet. Say, “God, I give you this anxiety.” Then release them with an exhale and notice the difference in how they feel.
Moving up to your calves. Inhale and point or flex your feet and feel the tension in the calves. Say, “God, I give you this anxiety.” Then release them with an exhale and notice the difference in how they feel.
Now onto the thighs. Squeeze your thighs together as tight as you can as you inhale. Say, “God, I give you this anxiety.” Then release them with an exhale and notice the difference in how they feel.
As we are walking through this exercise, I am reminded of Psalms 27:14 which says, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Keep moving through this exercise relinquishing the anxiety to God where he wants it and wait on him to answer your prayer.
As we move to the torso, take an inhale and suck your belly button to your spine. Say, “God, I give you this anxiety.” Then release them with an exhale and notice the difference in how they feel.
Coming to your back, inhale and squeeze your shoulder blades together. Say, “God, I give you this anxiety.” Then release them with an exhale and notice the difference in how they feel.
Lift and squeeze your shoulders toward your ears and focus on the tension in the shoulders as you inhale. Say, “God, I give you this anxiety.” Then release them with an exhale and notice the difference in how they feel.
Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”
Shift your focus to your arms. Inhale and make fists and squeeze them toward your shoulders. Say, “God, I give you this anxiety.” Then release them with an exhale and notice the difference in how they feel.
Feel your hands. Inhale and make a fist by curling your fingers into your palm and squeezing, turning your knuckles white if you can. Say, “God, I give you this anxiety.” Then release them with an exhale and notice the difference in how they feel.
My personal favorite is now the face. Inhale and scrunch your facial features to the center of your face. Say, “God, I give you this anxiety.” Then release them with an exhale and notice the difference in how they feel.
Now we are going to put it all together and tense the entire body. Curling the toes into your feet, pointing or flexing your feet, squeezing your thighs together, sucking that belly button in, squeezing the shoulder blades together as you lift and squeeze your shoulders up toward your ears, making fists and curling them up toward the shoulders, then finally scrunching the face In like a sour lemon. Hold here for a few seconds repeating our phrase one more time, “God, I give you this anxiety.” and release it all with a big exhale and notice the difference.
Before you open your eyes I want you to sit with one final verse. Matthew 11:28-30 says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn form me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
I realize this skill may not work all the times so let me share one more with you that can help you challenge the thoughts that come with anxiety. Anxiety stems from irrational thoughts/beliefs/worries. There is a clear connection between thoughts, emotions, and behavior in which our thoughts (perceptions of events/situations) influence the emotions (and subsequent feelings) which determines our behaviors (our reactions).
Challenge Thoughts
When looking at anxiety, our thoughts play the role of attempting to prepare us for the possible outcomes. But sometimes those thoughts take things too far leading to anxiety. That’s when we can put our thoughts on trial to find the validity (or lack of) in them.
Here’s how:
Choose a thought that has contributed to your anxiety
Gather evidence that supports your thought
Then gather evidence that goes against your thought
Compare the evidence and make a decision on which is accurate
Ask the following questions:
Is my thought based on fact or feelings?
How would my best friend see this situation?
How likely is it that my fear will come true?
What’s most likely to happen?
If my fear comes true, will it still matter in a week? what about in a month? In a year?
These are just two skills you can use to help ease your anxiety but there are numerous more including deep breathing, guided meditations, or my personal favorite, cold water emersion or cold tubs.
Each of these sills work by:
Switching your focus to either breathwork or imagery, and
Activating your parasympathetic nervous system which helps you think with the logic part of your brain versus the emotional side of your brain.
Exercise is also a great way to decrease stress hormones and lessen anxiety symptoms. Play around with a few different options but remember they are all PRACTICES. It takes consistent effort for at least 2-3 weeks before you start to see lasting results. Each one of these skills, including the ones we went over in detail will eventually lead to decreased overall anxiety as you become more aware of the reactions you are having in your body, but still take time and effort.
Do you think these skills will work for you? Are there others you utilize for your anxiety?
Much love & blessings
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